This is a (really) short story I wrote a few months back when I was having trouble piecing my heart back together. I wanted to cry and throw things and scream because it all hurt so much, but instead I wrote. And this is what came out:
The weight of a misplaced emotion can absorb you. Pull you down. Control you. Unworthiness. Insecurity. Hate. You can feel them; embrace them. Let them warm you like the welcome heat of the sun. It doesn’t make sense but you don’t want to let go. Warmth is comfort. Why would you ever abandon comfort? They say it isn’t good for you. But what do they know? Listen to your heart. Hear it pull at you. Shove you.
Two roads diverged…no, two people diverged. Both taking the road less traveled. She, full of emptiness, heartbreak, hopelessness. He full of anger, hate, and sentiments of good riddance. Which one was right? She asked for little, he gave even less. She wanted love, he wanted…what did he want? She will never know. He will walk on. She will attempt control, comforted by her loneliness. Untouchable. She can’t break anymore, already shattered.
The world will continue on. He will continue on. She will…decide. Here. Now. Yes or no. All or nothing.
She smiles up at the sun. Mocking her. Pain is kind. Love is vicious.
Has she moved yet? He is gone. Already. Hysterical, she takes a tentative step. First one, then another. Stopping shortly. Wrapped up in thoughts of the end.
It all makes sense. So simple. So easy. It doesn’t matter, does it? There is more, isn’t there? To her, there is. Much more. Waiting. She has a choice. He is gone now. Nothing else matters. What is beyond? She always wondered. Is this her chance?
Fear is so far away. Close your eyes. Listen to the world. What does it say? Does it want you? Can you feel it? What does it say? WHAT DOES IT SAY? Welcome. You are always welcome. Here. Now. Tomorrow. Forever. It waits.
Shattered, just like her. What is left? Everything.
Moving forward is moving back. Moving back is impossible. Forward, backward. It is all the same. Spinning in circles. Careless and carefree. Forward she goes, backward in the process. The sun replaced by the moon, lighting the way. Backward while forward. We’ve been here before. Always. Time moves around us, we remain.
Steady. Unbreakable. Untouchable.
Love is everything. Love remains to torment, torture, tear down. Rebuild.
In loving memory, of what we once were. Of what she is now. Of where he is going, been, left behind. She will never escape him.
He approaches. She has hardly moved. Yet here he comes, swiftly toward her. A tornado unable to control its path. She waits, holding her ground. Ready for the storm. Welcoming the warm relief. The comfort of what is known. They collide. Become one. His anger stemming. Her comfort rising.
They are one. Forever.
This is a story. Just like any other. Of a boy and a girl…and a life. Where it beings and where it ends, if it ends. Does it?
We all live together in the same world, at the same time, the same life. Together we are apart. All the same, we are different. In our differences we relate. We can all relate. One story is no different from the other – this story is yours. It’s your friends. That person you passed on the street the other day. The man you bumped into on the subway yesterday. Your dentist. The wrong number you dialed last week. Your best friends. It is all of our stories. Maybe you have heard it all before, but you still want to know. You have questions, you want answers. But there never are any, and so, you constantly search.
He is her everything, that much you understand. She makes him what he is – that makes sense. But still, there is something; something unnamed, unknown, unanswerable, but you need the answer. And so you run. And you keep running – in circles, while she waits, usually in tears, sometimes in defiance, mostly in confusion. She will always wait. For you. Alone and uncertain of all but one thing – you.
You try to remember a time – a time before you were one. It is vague and it seems unreal. How could you have existed before each other when now one doesn’t make sense without the other?
My heart is still broken, but I have faith.