Monthly Archives: May 2014

25 Things You Never Cared To Know About Me…You’re Welcome

Recently Brain posted a note on Facebook where you are supposed to write 25 random things, facts, habits, or goals about yourself and then tag 25 people and hope that they will write stuff about themselves and you will all get to know each other better. Now, if I were still in college I would jump on this because I actually had friends back then but, unfortunately, time has passed and I am less than fruitful in the friend department. However, the friends that I do have are more than enough because, well, I have fantastic taste and they are all fucking amazing! Also, the likelihood that anybody else would write 25 things is so close to unlikely that I didn’t care to even try…at least not on Facebook. You lucky, lucky blog readers of mine will instead be the recipient of these 25 oh-so-intriguing facts about me that will leave you wondering why you wasted your precious time reading about a person you don’t even know.

But if you feel yourself unable to stop now that you have started I will attempt to make it worth your time. I mean, who knows, one day I may be über famous and reading this blog may make you privy to all you need to know about your new favorite celebrity! A girl can dream…

1. You know how people always have that one thing they collect? That one thing that you have to restrain yourself from buying when you’re at the store because you either already have enough of said item or don’t have the monetary resources available to fill your need? Mine happens to be batteries. And, no, dirty toys have nothing to do with my dire need to possess obscenely large amounts of batteries in all shapes and sizes. Every time I walk past a shelf of batteries I either slow down or stop and stare at them, contemplating whether or not the world might end if I don’t buy THAT economy pack of batteries. That one. Right there! IT NEEDS ME!!

2. Many of you may already know that I love cars and intend to own my own fleet of them upon reaching my inevitable fame but what most people don’t know is that being a mechanic is my ultimate dream job. I love working with my hands, fixing things, and getting dirty and that all fits together quite nicely as a mechanic! That and the ability to be around cars all day would make me one very happy lady!

3. I’m the annoying person that can walk up to a jigsaw puzzle, pick up a piece, and put it exactly where it is supposed to go. My sister finds it rather irritating, I happen to find it amusing.

4. If I had to choose one thing to wear for the rest of my life it would be lingerie and high heels. They make me feel pretty, and what girl doesn’t want to feel pretty? PLUS! Who doesn’t want to witness their wife cooking in heels, lingerie, and an apron (for sanitary reasons). I mean, hello! That way you don’t have to make dessert!

5. I prefer to use plastic utensils to actual silverware. At least when at home.

6. I think ice cream tastes better when eaten with a fork…but not a plastic fork. You can’t feel the cold on the plastic.

7. I love cupcakes but don’t like cake. There is something about it being tiny and perfect and…Sara sized that makes me incredibly happy. Eating them leaves me content.

8. While being a mechanic is my dream job there are several other jobs I would like to try out just to say I did it. If I could have a new job every few months I would be satisfied. A few jobs I would like to add to my resume are window washer, landscaper, mail woman, florist, photographer’s assistant, bar tender, baker, emcee, teacher, lumberjack, park ranger, delivery driver, magazine editor, librarian, barista, dog walker, and maid. Seriously, these are all careers I have taken into consideration over the years. There are many more on the list but those are the most random ones.

9. I’m kind of a pyro. I love playing with fire and I have been known to just stare at fire for hours at a time. I’m not weird, I swear!

10. I often fantasize about selling all my possessions, getting in my car, and living out of my car while driving around the country doing odd jobs to sustain myself as I explore the world!

11. Feet creep me out. When people try to touch me with their feet I start to hyperventilate. And when I inform certain mean people of this (Mr. Perfect) they enjoy doing it at every opportunity.

12. Generally I don’t like new things. When it was brought to my attention that my sister didn’t want to give me back my couch once I moved out of the house I almost threw a fit. Both she and my mother decided I could buy a new one and neither could understand my unusual attachment to MY couch. When I told mom I didn’t want a new couch because they smelled funny and were too fluffy and didn’t have character her response was, “you are the character.” True, but not the point. My favorite piece of furniture is my dad’s old recliner because it isn’t too fluffy, in fits me, and doesn’t smell like new…ness. The other thing people ask me about is Jorma…just because he isn’t perfect doesn’t mean I need to trade him in for a new car! I like him. I like all the broken and annoying things. He wouldn’t be Jorma without them!

13. I will never be satisfied with the amount of books I own because there will always be more I could have. I’m insatiable I tell you! I WANT MORE!

14. As much as I love (am obsessed with) my shoes I prefer being barefoot.

15. I have both slept and “showered” in Jorma when I have gone on solo road trips. The sleeping part I’m sure you can imagine but the showering part is more interesting. All you need is paper towels, baby wipes, and a bottle of water…I was even able to shave my legs. Impressed? Cause I was! I would have done all this in the rest stop bathroom but that idea was rather fleeting because while on the toilet I looked up at the stall door to see a large, leggy bug roughly the size of my head staring back at me. I suddenly no longer had to pee, pulled up my shorts and looked back up to see a bug free door. So now, not only was I aware that there were gigantic, potentially man eating bugs in the world, I was also aware that that particular one was running around unfettered in the bathroom, probably plotting it’s next grisly murder.

16. I am nearly incapable of cuddling. My boy is all about cuddling and he tries to get me to do it all. The. Time. Most recently I annoyed him by asking questions such as, “what are you thinking about?” His response was “you” so I kept asking questions. Finally I asked if we were done and he laughed saying, “you couldn’t relax if you wanted to right now.” Very true, I must admit. I am also almost completely incapable of relaxing…While we’re on the subject. Idleness is not my forte. So, I looked at my phone and congratulated myself on cuddling for a full 13 minutes.

17. I have been known to pay more attention to college football than…say…my significant other. Why men get upset about this is beyond me!

18. I have an imaginary unicorn named Francis. And that’s really all you need to know about that!

19. I am almost incapable of holding a grudge. I may despise my exes for a bit but…we all know how well that goes. I always end up keeping in touch with them no matter what they’ve done. I just believe in people too mcuh.

20. I thoroughly enjoy reading the dictionary. Yes. Reading.

21. I cannot stand the cacophonous din of a single item dropping in an otherwise quiet room. Drives me insane. It is my version of nails on a chalkboard.

22. I have an insanely high tolerance for pain. I once almost broke my foot in half and didn’t know it. The only reason I found out was because I fractured my left heel so they took x-rays of both feet to compare them and my doctor asked me when I had broken my right foot. When I told him I hadn’t he laughed and slapped the x-ray up and pointed at the large triangular chunk of bone that was no longer in its correct place. How I didn’t notice that I will never know.

23. I recently joined a softball league and I was put in left field and was so distracted by the birds out there that I forgot to pay attention to the game. Needless to say, team sports are not my thing. Probably why I did gymnastics and golf growing up. Those were safe. When a ball is making a line drive at your head you can hear it coming and just have to duck. No attention is really needed for that.

24. I will change the world. I am determined to make a difference no matter how big or small.

25. It takes me roughly two to four weeks to finish a pint of ice cream. I tend to forget about it. When I buy anything larger it will be completely forgotten about and go bad. I didn’t used to know this was poasible…I am so well aware of it now.

Okay…There you go. That actually took me several months to write. Who knew coming up with 25 things about yourself would be so difdicult?!?! Thanks for sticking with me to the end! If you did, that is. If you didn’t, well, I appreciate the effort regardless….not that you will know how much I appreciate you since you left but…whatever. I still love you!!

And I’m done.

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