Category Archives: Ideas
On the day of that marked the 26 anniversary of my birth, I sat in my leopard hoodie footie and spent the day listening to the rain, reading, making pizza, eating cupcakes, and feeling no closer to being an adult that I did on the day I turned 18. Earlier in the week my friends asked how I would be celebrating I would simply laugh, and smile. Nothing. I would be doing nothing for my birthday. “But why?!?” They chorused loudly, unable to understand my protestations of small fetes or intimate dinners. The truth is, that for the first time, I just didn’t feel like admitting that I was another year older. So what did I end up doing? Shopping with my sister and pizza making with my family. And you know what? It has been a pretty darn great birthday. I got three new pairs of shoes, several comic books, a book on etymology, two linguistic books (my latest and greatest interest), a very large novel, and a visit to Build-A-Bear that enabled me to add one more My Little Pony to my collection. I may now be 26 but my taste still lies with that of an 8 year old – that now makes three My Little Ponies (in stuffed animal form, at least) and god knows how many comic books.
Admitting my age is not fun anymore but I must admit that the year leading up to this birthday has been filled with purpose and drive. No longer do I sit around wondering what I will do with my life, instead I have been taking steps towards fulfilling my life goals and actually crossing items off that nice long task list I have. It only took me eight long years to come up with my life goals and, honestly, they have changed one or two thousand times but I finally think I have landed on some solid goals that actually go along with everything that I stand for and want to accomplish. My first major step towards achieving these goals was deciding on a major and enrolling in school again. Check and check. I will officially be starting school again on the 25th with a major in Green Interior and Architectural Design and will be talking to a different school about enrolling in a program that will allow me to study business with an emphasis in innovation and entrepreneurial studies. Focusing on just one thing is just not my style…I thought about only one major but that lasted about as long as it took for me to register for classes.
In my productive state of school applying and class registering I decided I should add even more fun learning activities to my life because surely I had time to, say, learn a new language! But where would I find this time? I asked myself after a few days of NOT doing anything nearly as productive as I had so made myself believe I was capable of. Where did the time go? What did I spend my days doing? How do people get so much done?!? I decided it was time to take account of what I did during my days and document exactly what consumed my oh-so-precious time. Facebook. That’s what. Do you ever make not of how many times a day you check your Facebook? Or how many times you want to just look it at it for a few minutes because your phone has alerted you to some form of activity on your page and 20 minutes later you realize that it’s, well, 20 minutes later and you are now far too informed on your friends lives inner workings. What’s a girl to do? My initial idea was to deactivate my Facebook altogether because who needs it?!? Not me! Or so I thought. Apparently my friends and, more importantly, my sister, disagree. What’s the next best thing? Removing the app from my phone. Have I done this yet? No. Instead I have switched from checking Facebook when I’m bored to checking my email and actually reading the information contained in the numerous newsletters I convinced myself contained information I would be interested in but never actually took the time to peruse. Guess what? I am interested in the information I have been ignoring for all these years. For a person so thirsty for knowledge I sure have been allowing myself to claim ignorance far longer than I anyone should. FOCUS, Sara, focus!! This has become my new mantra, especially while at work. Why?
It’s simple, really. To continue my quest for productivity (kind of) I give you…My Current Obsessions!!! They are as follows:
1) Erin Condren – I had been wanting a planner for awhile feeling that if I was able to write down everything that came to mind as it came to mind that I would be much more productive (I’m sorry, this post has a key term). I have had my Erin Condren Life Planner for a week and I have already seen a difference. I know what you’re probably thinking, “don’t you have a phone?” Yes, yes I do have a phone. And I have often written down random ideas and made many a list. But guess what…there it stays. In my note app. Sitting in wait. Instead I bought THIS beauty and now get to be inspired each and every day by bright, happy colors and inspirational quotes. And what girl doesn’t love that?!?
2) Radio Lingua – After thinking I could use the all knowing Google to find a language program based solely in audio lessons I gave up and decided I would take a different approach. Enter – PODCASTS!!!! I have never listened to a podcast in my life so I wasn’t really sure if this would be my pot of gold or not. Turns out it was. The first language program I came across was Coffee Break French. Had coffee not been in the name I probably wouldn’t have been interested. The best part? You can buy the lessons and get pdf files and videos that correspond with each podcast. All for much, much, cheaper than that certain uber popular yellow boxed language program. They also have OneMinute [insert your desired language here] and it only cost…like…practically nothing!! OMG, I want. My two favorite language options? Flemish and Luxembourgish!!!! That is in addition to my top two desired languages to learn – Arabic and Russian. You can buy all 21 language courses as a bundle. HAPPENING!!
3) Pee and Poo – If you know me really too incredibly well then you know how oddly fascinated I am with…how do I put this delicately? The inner workings of the human body including the all important BM’s. I am oddly connected with my body and always know what I need to put in it to cure whatever ails me at the moment. Except ennui. Nothing seems to help ennui. Except chocolate. But only until it’s gone. Anyway. I found Pee and Poo and have wanted them ever since!! How cute are they?!? I mean, I’m already potty trained so I don’t need them for their intended purpose, but I do still enjoy a good stuffed animal and to be completely honest I would love to be able to randomly yell, “I need my poo!!” in a moment of anxiety induced panic that results in an immediate desire to be embracing something plush and comforting.
4) The perfect chocolate chip cookie – I have been on the search for the perfect recipe and therefore cookie for years now. Recently I tried the recipe from the Cooks Country baking cookbook and they sucked (just an fyi here, the link doesn’t really work since you have to sign up to use their website, but if you happen to be a Cooks Country member then you will be privy to the recipe). They were not ooey gooey like they were supposed to be and they tasted of something I couldn’t quite put my finger on. My parents thought they were just fine, but my sister and I are harsher critics. I am thinking of trying the New York Times recipe next. If anyone has suggestions, please feel free to bombard me with recipe links.
5) Naked Truth Beauty Blog – I have always enjoyed making things on my own. I hate the idea of spending money on something I could do or make myself and it just so happens that someone I went to college with started this wonderful blog. Now, instead of scouring the internet looking for the best home made beauty products, I can just reference what she has written!! It is so much nicer when you (kind of) know the person writing the blog. It’s so much easier to trust them!!
Tune in next time to find out what else has been occupying my time and, probably, learn how my first week back in class has been! You’re hooked already, aren’t you?
An excerpt from one of my novels:
There was a party that night. There was a party almost every night, but this one was different. Everybody we knew was at this party, gathered together in an intimately large crowd of faces and names that few cared to remember but all knew. We passed by each other throughout the night – a light brush of the hand here, an exchanged glance there, a shiver of longing stretching across the space – never stopping to say hello. Words fell out of people’s mouths falling onto the ground in a cacophonous thunder – twenty six letters collecting on the floor in a strange new menagerie of words that none of us understood.
As the raucous party grew to an unbearable din it ended suddenly, a collective nod to the silently agreed upon expulsion of a raucous affair that never had a purpose but always came to fruition at the end of what some face or another would proclaim was “one hell of a day.” The after effects of liquor leaving piles of bodies haphazardly strewn around the apartment – the unexplainable fallout of a night that would be remembered only upon waking eyes blinking into focus a room that was not theirs; a partner they had no recollection of acquainting themselves with; a memory they will forever be searching for.
We united in the hall, our unspoken words screaming out, echoing through the apartment. Falling onto the bed we tore at each others clothes, desperate for a feeling we both knew we would not find. His eyes searched my face as hungrily as mine searched his finding solace in our shared emptiness. We were all each other had. All each other wanted. Our passion grew in immensity as the sun pounded its unforgiving rays through our curtains, spotlighting our deception.
The sound of my heartbeat threatened to burst my eardrums as we stared at each other in a state of mental and physical exhaustion. I saw his mouth open as three words spilled out and fell upon the space in the bed between us, forming a pool of empty desire. My mind screamed, “what is love?” My lips parted, but the words got stuck in my throat. What came out startled both of us. “I love you, too.” An unnoticed inflection at the end trailing off into the dark chasm of misunderstanding that would live between us forever. There is no question in love.
He moved his calloused hand over the curves of my body, laced his fingers through mine, and pulled me close. Our legs intertwined, our souls met in the middle. Nothing between us but naked lies etched upon our scared hearts. A beautiful duality of lies and truths created the world around us. Created our lives. Created our love.
I made a video blog awhile ago that I never posted because the sound wasn’t matching up with the video and I couldn’t figure out how to fix it so I’m going to try again, with the written word. I feel like this needs to be said because most of my close friends are going through difficult times and I have dried up my emotional resources. I have been crying at work every day because nothing I do it say helps them and a little voice at the back of my head is, once again, trying to tell me that I’m not good enough, that I’m worthless, that I don’t matter. But none of those things ate true. I know that now and I refuse to let those thoughts win.
I am enough. I matter. We all are and we all do. So this is for my friends. And this is for everyone out there who may feel lost or hurt or sad. You aren’t alone. I’m here.
This whole train of thought started with the stars. Do you ever look at them? Really look at them? They connect us in a way that we can’t even imagine. They are the same stars that your grandparents looked at and the same ones your grandchildren will look at and the same ones someone on the other side if the world sees. They are the past, present, and future. And what’s even cooler is that by the time their light reaches us they are usually already dead, so its like we are looking into the past while seeing the future. And we are all a part of them. The cosmic dust that falls to earth becomes a part of us is some small way.
We are all the same in that we are different. We get to made decisions and think and feel and form our own opinions and love and even hate if we want to. We are all beautiful creatures and…we all hate each other. We do. We hate the very thing that brings us together. Just because someone has a certain political view or believes in a different religion or has more money than you or less money than you or lives on the wrong side of town or…anything. We find all these different things to dislike about each other instead of seeing how beautiful it is that we can each be completely different from each other. We are unique. Each and every one of us. We are ourselves, and we can’t be anything else. So we judge. And we find something in others that we don’t like. And we dwell. But life is beautiful and amazing, just like us. But we don’t even like ourselves; we project our dislike onto others because, well, because we’re human. We are told that we aren’t good enough, or that different is bad. But guess what? It isn’t. Different is beautiful. We all have flaws. We all fall in love with the wrong person. Few of us are content with where we are in life. There is always something lacking in our lives. And that’s okay. But I think, what isn’t okay, is to hold onto all these insecurities and “downfalls” and allow them to fester.
I used to be so depressed I went to bed every night hoping I wouldn’t wake up and not just because I didn’t like my life or myself, but also because I couldn’t come to terms with the fact that nobody else in the world seemed to either. There is death and destruction everywhere. We start wars based on beliefs someone else has. Shakespeare said, “there is nothing either good or bad, but thinking makes it so.” And I think that is true. I won’t say that war is good, that is definitely false, but it was thinking that lead someone to think that a war was needed. Shit just is. Someone is going to believe differently from you but that isn’t a bad thing until you think it is. Now, it took me years to get to the point I finally reached a little over a month ago, but now that I’m here life is fucking fantastic. But that quote helped. Every thought I had put me where I was. I held on to every damn thing and turned it into a negative and I will be the first to admit that it was in no way healthy.
I’m not positive what it was but one day it just clicked and suddenly I understood what I needed to do, what I wanted to do, and how to get there. It may not work for you, but it may help you on the way to your own personal clarity. I finally realized and accepted that I can’t change the way people think, feel, or act, but I CAN change all those things about me. Instead of looking at everything in my life under a microscope and analyzing it I decided that everything I have ever done lead me to the point I’m at; a point that I’m not exactly happy with but at the same time could be much worse. I have a roof over my head, a job that doesn’t totally suck, friends whom I love dearly, an amazing family, and hope. I hold on to hope with every essence of my being. I truly believe that I will get exactly where I want in life simply because I want to. The truth is that nobody else will get me where I want to be, I have to rely on myself and guess what? I’m pretty frickin reliable!
Sure, life sucks sometimes, but when I get in that state of mind I just laugh it off and remember that life happens. All around us. Every day. Every moment, every memory, every experience is ours to keep. And we get to decide what we do and how we do it and what we take from it. We can take all the bad or we can take the good. Being broken up with sucks. Especially when you know they have gone back to someone else or are still in love with someone else. You tell yourself you aren’t good enough. You spend hours every day trying to figure out why that person is better than you when you KNOW they aren’t, when the person even told you that you were better! But you can’t change them. You can only change yourself. You can know that they missed out. Cry. Scream. Be angry. But don’t hate yourself. Because it isn’t you and you will never understand. You won’t understand because it doesn’t make sense. It just doesn’t. Love doesn’t come with rationale. Love is passion and stupidity and intuition. There are no ifs, ands, or buts about it. At some point though, you have to realize that you will be okay. You will! Your heart is broken, true. But it will heal. And that scar will be there to remind you that you hit bottom and clawed your way back to the top crying and broken and in pain and unsure. But you did it, and you can do it again. The best part? You have all those memories – the good and the bad – to remember forever. The bad you will learn from, the good you will smile from, and together they will continue to build you and mold you and create you. I always told myself that I wasn’t good enough. I always fell into that trap. But I am good enough. I’m perfect, in fact. Perfectly imperfect because I’m me and I make no excuses for it. Nor should you because you are also perfect in all your imperfections.
Every day is something new to look forward to. You get to wake up and live however the hell you want to. This morning I was down and struggling because of my inability to help out my friends; nothing I do or say seems to make them see anything in a positive light. But then I realized that all I can do is continue to be there for them, continue to shed that positive light on every damn thing, remind them that they are amazing and I am lucky to have them in my life and everybody else should feel lucky too. I can’t fix them, but I can be there for them every time they fall. And that goes for everyone out there – if you are the one hurting or if you are the one helping a friend out, always know that someone out there has been through it and someone out there wants to help. Whatever you can do is good enough. Right now I can’t do as much as I would like because, as I said earlier, I have given a little too much and neglected myself. I am grumpy and easily angered. However I have realized this and decided that this weekend I will go on a small trip (more on that in another post) just for me so I can recharge, refocus, and come back ready to face any problem that comes at me or my friends.
If you are stuck in a rut, unhappy, depressed, confused, hurt, or anything other than happy take a moment to reflect on what happened to get you where you are today. Was life shitty? Is life still shitty? Every day come up with one reason to smile. Mine is generally excessive amounts of coffee because no matter what I can rely on there being coffee somewhere. (Seriously, you have to start with the little things.) If you are mending a broken heart, start off telling yourself that you aren’t done forever, simply that now wasn’t ya’lls time. That one day you will be together again. It may or may not be true, you honestly don’t know, so why not believe that it will happen? That’s how I got over HIM. I started by believing that one day we would find each other again, and eventually rationality stepped in and I realized that HE wasn’t my one, but that meant my one was still out there and if that isn’t a happy thought then I don’t know what is!
Smile because you get to decide. Smile because you aren’t alone. Smile because you have friends. Smile because you are alive. Smile because…it confuses people. Just start with a smile. Then you can move on to turning one negative into a positive every day. I started out small and am now able to do it with everything while at the same time annoying the shit out of my friends with my unstoppable positivity! Soon I will have rainbows coming out of my ass. It’ll be beautiful!
Anyway, I will leave you with a few things to remember:
The thing about goodbyes is that it’s the beginning of a new hello.
Broken hearts mend and become stronger.
Scars are there to remind us of what we’ve been through and what we can handle.
A smile can fix your day.
Positive thoughts help not only you but the people around you.
Life is beautiful. Live it. Enjoy it. Love it. Because you only have this one, so why not make it great?
And, as usual, I have to sign off with something completely insane even though this was mostly a serious post…May your days be filled with syrup chugging contests and buckets full of water, glue, and glitter filled water balloons to throw at those particularly annoying people you may encounter. Remember to always sing in the bathroom, never let anyone see it was you who emptied the coffee pot, and keep glitter handy to throw at people – water balloon or not.
p.s. These photos came from another blogger I discovered via Facebook. You should check her out: A.D.D. Music Mamma
I was listening to my music at work today, as I usually do, when my soulmate decided to mention Ke$ha and cause me to switch my radio station from the mellow Mumford and Sons to the chaotic Ke$ha and everything that came with her. Most of the music Ke$ha brings with her makes me want to dance, which isn’t the best idea in a work environment and poses a serious problem – you have to physically keep yourself from dancing. It is difficult and annoying. Dancing is so much more fun than working and, technically, I would be working off calories so…that counts, right? Anyway, one of the last songs that comes on before quitting time rolls around is “Grenade” by Bruno Mars and it made me wonder why those were things he chose to be construed as romantic. Why? Because what are the odds that he could actually prove that he would follow through with any of the over the top claims he states?
I mean, who catches grenades? Wouldn’t you just duck? Or bat it away? Quite frankly I would find it more impressive that he would be able to catch it, regardless of whether or not he was doing it for someone. Add that to the fact that very few women in the states have to dodge grenades on a regular basis – it just isn’t normal, so what does it prove that you would catch it for someone?
So you would catch a grenade AND you would take a bullet straight to the head? Again, I do understand that this is probably a problem in several areas but it isn’t a common problem. Oh, and you would jump in front of a train. Like? If someone asked you to? You would just do it? Because I feel like the proper way to state that would be that you would rescue your loved one from in front of the train. Though if she is standing there she is probably asking for it so you might as well just stand next to her since you also say you will die for her. Instead of for her die with her. THAT’S love.
So after all this it made me wonder what true love was to us plebeian folks. How about buying her tampons? For example:
Bitch, I would buy tampons for you.
I would walk in the store and go straight to that aisle for you.
Surreptitiously walk down that aisle for you.
Hope I find the right ones for you.
Head over to the (self) checkout for you.
Bring home those damn feminine products for you.
Yeah I would buy tampons for you.
That would really show love especially since in all likelihood she was too lazy and forgetful to get them for herself. Also, this is clearly a bad rap song because I am incapable of rhyming unless it is on accident.
Other possible additions to my new age rap song:
- I would let you have control over the remote and sit there and watch whatever you choose even though I doubt it will be able to hold my attention for very long and I would much rather be gauging my eyeballs out with blunt objects.
- I would go dancing with you even though, quite frankly, I would rather take the bullet to the head.
- I would see a terrible chick flick with you and not fall asleep or play on my phone for the duration.
- I would listen to you prattle on about drama among your friends that you are only perpetuating by constantly talking about it and act like I cared.
- I would bite my tongue when I am actually dying to ask how much all the bags of clothes cost that you just waltzed in with.
These are things I think would make a good love song. Well…probably a really bad song, but it would be sincere and, more than likely, incredibly amusing to listen to.